Be A Leader:-How to change people without giving offence.|Part#4|Win friends and Influence People.

Become A Leader :-
To Influence others you have to be influenced.

Leader can create a change easily than ordinary people.

Changing people is not easy at all as it seems to as change is difficult to implement.

If you want to change, things can change. Just be willing to change and do everything to ensure it.

But, changing others is one hell of a task and takes the angels of heaven to do it but don’t worry I am here to solve your headache sooner and help you destroy this problem of dealing with the people.

1. If you must Find Fault, This is the way to begin

finding faults

A barber lathers a man before he shaves him;

and that is precisely what McKinsey did back in 1896,

when he was running for president.

One of the most prominent Republicans of that day had written a campaign speech that he felt was just a trifle better than Cierco and Patrick Henry and Daniel Webster all rolled into one.

With great glee, this chap read his immortal speech aloud to McKinsey.

The speech had its excellent points, but it just wouldn’t do.

Mckinsey didn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings.

He must not kill the man’s splendid enthusiasm, and yet he had to say ‘no.’

Note how adroitly he did it.

‘My friend that is a splendid speech, a magnificent speech.’

Mckinsey said.

‘No one could have prepared a better one.

 There are many occasions on which it would be precisely the right thing to say, but is it quite suitable for this particular occasion?

Sound and Sober as it is from your standpoint.

Now go home and write a speech along the lines I indicate, and send me a copy of it.’

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who begins his work with Novocain.

The patient still gets drilling, but the Novocain is Pain-killing. A leader will use…

everyone likes the part when you start appreciating them for their qualities as per human psychology every one wants to feel Important

PRINCIPLE#1 – BEGIN WITH PRAISE AND HONEST APPRECIATION.

2. How  To Criticise - And not to be Hated For it.

forgiving and think

CHARLES SCHWAB WAS passing through one of his steel mills one day at noon when he came across some of his employees smoking.

Immediately above their heads was a sign that said ‘No Smoking.’

Did Schwab point to the sign and say, ‘Can’t you read?’

Oh no, not Schwab. He walked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, and said, ‘I’ll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these on the outside.’

They knew that he knew that they had broken a rule – and they admired him because he said nothing about it and gave them a little present and made them feel important.

Merely changing one three-letter word can often spell the difference between failure and success in improving people without giving offense or arousing resentment.

On March 8, 1887, the eloquent Henry Ward Beecher died.

The following Sunday,

 Lyman Abbott was invited to speak in the pulpit left silent by Beecher’s passing.

Eager to do his best, he wrote and rewrote and polished his sermon with the meticulous care of a Flaubert.

Then he read it to his wife.

It was poor – as most written speeches are.

She might have said if she had less judgment, ‘Lyman, that is terrible.

That’ll never do. You’ll put people to sleep.

It reads like an encyclopedia.

You ought to know better than that after all the years you have been preaching.

For heaven’s sake, why don’t you talk like a human being?

Why don’t you act naturally? 

you’ll disgrace yourself if you ever read  that stuff.’

That’s what she might have said. And, if she had, you know what would have happened.

And she knew too.

So, she merely remarked that it would make an excellent article for the North American Review.

In other words, she praised it and at the same time subtly suggested that it wouldn’t do as a speech.

Lyman Abbott saw the point, tore up his carefully prepared manuscript and preached without even using notes.

An effective way to correct other’s mistakes is:-

PRINCIPLE#2 – CALL ATTENTION TO PEOPLE’S MISTAKES INDIRECTLY.

3. Talk about your own mistakes first.

trouble

Admitting one’s own mistakes  –

Even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behavior.

This was illustrated more recently by Clarence Zerhusen of Timonium, Maryland.

when he discovered his fifteen-year-old son was experimenting with cigarettes.

‘Naturally, I didn’t want David to smoke,’ Mr. Zerhusen told us, ‘but his mother and I smoked Cigarettes,we were giving him a bad example all the time.

the author explained to dave how the nicotine had gotten the best of me and now it was nearly impossible for me to stop.

The author reminded him of how irritating my cough was and how he had been after me to give up cigarettes not many years before.

‘I didn’t advise him to stop or make threats or warn him about their dangers.

All I did was point out how I was hooked on cigarettes and what it had meant to me.

‘He thought about it for a while and decided he wouldn’t smoke until he had graduated from High School.

As the years went by,

 David never did start smoking and has no intention of ever doing so.

A result of that conversation I decided to stop smoking Cigarettes myself and has no intention of ever doing so. 

‘as a result of that conversation I decided to stop smoking cigarettes myself, and with  the support of my family, I have succeeded.’

A good leader follows this principle:

PRINCIPLE#3 – TALK ABOUT YOUR OWN MISTAKES, BEFORE CRITICISING THE OTHER PERSON.

4. No one Likes to take Orders.

giving orders

Resentment caused by a brash order may last a long time- even if the order was given to correct a bad situation.

Dan Santelli, a teacher at a vocational school in Wyoming, Pennsylvania,

told one of our classes how one of his students had blocked the entrance way to one of the school’s shops by illegally parking his car in it.

One of the other instructors stormed into the classroom and asked in an arrogant tone, 

‘Whose car is blocking the driveway?’

When the student who owned the car responded, the instructor screamed: ‘Move that car and move it right now, 

or I’ll wrap a chain around it and drag it out of there.’

Now, that student was wrong. the car should not have been parked there

But from that day on, not only did that student resent the instructor’s action,

but all the class did everything they could to give the instructor a hard time and make his job unpleasant.

How could he have handled it differently?

If he had asked in a friendly way,

‘Whose car is in the driveway?’

and then suggested that if it were moved, other cars could get in and out,

the student would have gladly moved it, and neither he nor his classmates would have been upset and resentful.

Asking questions not only makes an order more palatable; it often stimulates the creativity of the creativity of the persons whom you ask, 

People are more likely to accept an order if they have had a part in the decision that caused the order to be issued.

Asking questions can make people feel involved in that situation or the problem in front of them.

Giving orders feels as if they owe you something.

Question arouses people to actively take part in the activity.

PRINCIPLE#4 – ASK QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF GIVING DIRECT ORDERS.

5. Let The Other Person Save Face.

argument

Letting one save face! How important that is!

And how few of us ever stop to think of it!

We ride roughshod over the feelings of others, getting our own way, finding fault issuing threats, criticizing a child or an employee in front of others, 

without even considering the hurt to the other person’s pride.

Whereas  few minutes’ thought, 

a kind word or two, a genuine understanding of the other person’s attitude, would go so far toward alleviating the sting!

Even if we are right and the person is definitely wrong.

we only destroy ego by causing someone to lose face.

The legendary French aviation pioneer and author Antoine de Saint-Exupery Wrote:

‘I have no right to say or do anything that diminishes a man in his own eyes.

What matters is not what I think of him, but what he thinks of himself.

Hurting a man in his dignity is a crime.’

A real leader will always follow…

PRINCIPLE#5 – LET THE OTHER PERSON SAVE FACE.

6. How to Spur People On To Success.

friendships

Praise is like sunlight to the warm human spirit; we cannot flower and grow without it.

And yet, while most of us are only too ready to apply to others the cold wind of criticism,

we are somehow reluctant to give our fellow the warm sunshine of praise.’

I can look back on my own life and see where a few words of praise have sharply changed my entire life.

Can’t you say the same thing about your life?

History is replete with striking illustrations of the sheer witchery of praise.

For example:- many years ago a boy of ten was working in a factory in Naples.

He longed to be a singer, but his first teacher discouraged him.

‘You can’t sing,’ he said.

‘You haven’t any voice at all. It sounds like the wind in the shutters.’

But his mother, a poor peasant woman, put her arms about him and praised him and told him she knew he could sing,

she could already see an improvement, and she went barefoot in order to save money to pay for his music lessons.

That peasant mother’s praise and encouragement changed that boy’s life.

His name was Enrico Caruso,

and he became the greatest and the most famous opera singer of his age.

Yes, you who are reading these line possess powers of various sorts which you habitually fail to use.

one of these powers you are probably not using to the fullest extent is your magic ability to praise people and inspire them with a realization of their latent possibilities.

Abilities wither under criticism; they blossom under encouragement.

To become a more effective leader of people, apply.

PRINCIPLE#6 – PRAISE THE SLIGHTEST IMPROVEMENT AND PRAISE EVERY IMPROVEMENT. BE ‘HEARTY IN YOUR APPROBATION AND LAVISH IN YOUR PRAISE.’

7. Give a Dog a Good Name.

ORGANISED PLANNING

There is an old saying: ‘Give a dog a bad name and you may as well hang him.’

But give him a good name – and see what happens!

When Mrs. Ruth Hopkins,

A fourth-grade teacher in Brooklyn, New York, looked at her class roster the first day of school, her excitement and joy of starting a new term were winged with anxiety. 

In her class this year she would have Tommy T., the school’s most notorious ‘bad boy.’

His third-grade teacher had always complained about Tommy to colleagues, the principal and anyone else who would listen.

He was not just mischievous; he caused severe discipline problems in the class, picked fights with the boys, teased the girls, was fresh to the teacher and seemed to get worse as he grew older.

His only redeeming feature was his ability to learn rapidly and master the school work quickly.

Mrs. Hopkins decided to face the ‘Tommy problem’ immediately.

When she greeted her new students, she made little comments to each of them: ‘ Rose, that’s a pretty dress you are wearing,’

Alicia, I hear you hear you draw beautifully.

When she came to Tommy, she looked him straight in her eyes and said,

‘Tommy, I understand you are a leader.

I’m going to depend on you to help me make this class the best class in the fourth-grade this year.’

She reinforced this over the first few days by complementing Tommy on everything he did and commenting on how he showed what a good student he was.

With that reputation to live up to, even a nine-year-old couldn’t let her down – and he didn’t.

If you want to excel in that difficult leadership role of changing the attitude or behavior of others, use…

PRINCIPLE#7 – GIVE THE OTHER PERSON A FINE REPUTATION TO LIVE UP TO.

8. Make The Fault seem easy to correct.

encouragement

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that he or she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing has no gift for it and is doing it all wrong,

and you have destroyed almost every incentive to try to improve.

But use the opposite technique – be liberal with your encouragement, make the thing seem easy to do.

Let the other person know that you have faith in his ability to do it,

that he has a little flair for it – and he will practice until the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

Showing others their faults can be fatal for your reputation as no one wants to be diminished in their beliefs and want to be greatest at their art.

Encouragement is the key for anyone’s success and everyone craves it badly whether he is a child or a grown up adult in different forms.

If you want others to improve then remember,

PRINCIPLE#8 – USE ENCOURAGEMENT. MAKE FAULT SEEM EASY TO CORRECT.

9. Making People Glad To Do What You Want

suggestion

“Always make the other person happy doing the thing you suggest.”

the effective leader should keep in mind the following guidelines when it necessary to change attitudes or behavior:

1. Be Sincere:- Do not promise anything that you cannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourself and concentrate on their benefits to the other person.

2. Know exactly what it is you want the other person to do.

3. Be empathetic:- Ask yourself what is it the other person really wants. those benefits to the other person’s wants.

4. Consider the benefits that person will receive from doing what you suggest.

5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.

It is naive to believe you will always get a favorable reaction from other persons when you use these approaches,

but the experience of most people shows that you are more likely to change attitudes this way than by not using these principles –

and if you increase your success by even a mere 10 percent, 

you have become 10 percent more effective as a leader than you were before – and that is your benefit.

People are more likely to do what you would like them to do when you use …

PRINCIPLE#9 – MAKE THE OTHER PERSON ABOUT DOING THE THING YOU SUGGEST.

CONCLUSION

Practice makes a person perfect.

So, what are you waiting .

Take baby steps towards your goals and someday you’ll become a effective leader in the process.

Just act like a Leader before becoming one as it will give you a boost to your path of taking responsibilities.

THESE PRINCIPLES WERE TAKEN FROM THE BOOK –

 “HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE”


THANK YOU

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