How To Win Friends And Influence People...... FRIENDSHIP TRICKS THAT NO ONE TALKS ABOUT
IN THIS POST WILL DISCOVER THE SECRET'S OF A DEVELOPING NEW FRIENDSHIPS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE ACCORDING TO YOUR NEEDS.
BOOK OF TODAY'S POST IS
WE WILL DISCUSS THE POINTS MENTIONED BY DALE CARNEGIE ,
IN HIS BOOK “HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE”
but before going further let’s have a little background knowledge of the Author – DALE CARNEGIE.
Born Dale Harbison Carnagey in 1888 in Maryville, Missouri,
Carnegie was a poor farmer’s son, the second son of James William Carnagey and his wife Amanda Elizabeth Harbison.
Carnegie would develop a long standing friendship with another Maryville author Homer Croy.
During his high school years he grew interested in the speeches at the various Chautauqua assemblies.
Carnegie said he had to get up at 3 a.m. to feed the pigs and milk his parents’ cows before going to school.
He attended State Teacher’s College in Warrensburg graduating in 1908.
His first job after college was selling correspondence courses to ranchers.
Carnegie would visit frequently throughout his life and would be buried in the family plot there.
After saving $500 (about $13 thousand today),
Dale Carnegie quit sales in 1911 in order to pursue a lifelong dream of becoming a Chautauqua lecturer.
When the production ended,
he returned to New York, unemployed, nearly broke, and living at the YMCA on 125th Street.
There he got the idea to teach public speaking,
In his first session, he had run out of material.
Improvising, he suggested that students speak about “something that made them angry”, and discovered that the technique made speakers unafraid to address a public audience.
From this 1912 debut, the Dale Carnegie Course evolved.
Dale was able to rent Carnegie Hall itself for a lecture to a packed house.
Carnegie’s first collection of his writings was Public Speaking: a Practical Course for Business Men (1926), later entitled Public Speaking and Influence Men in Business (1932).
His crowning achievement, however, was when Simon & Schuster published How to Win Friends and Influence People.
INTRODUCTION TO THE BOOK
8 things this BOOK will help you achieve.
1.Get out of a mantal rut, think new thoughts.acquire new versions, discover new ambitions.
2.make friends and influence people quickly and easily.
3.increase your popularity.
4.win people to your way of thinking.
5. increase your influence ,your prestige, your ability to get things done.
6.handle complaints, avoid arguments,keep your human contacts smooth and pleasant.
7.become better speaker, a more entertaining conversationalist.
8.Arouse Enthusiasm among your associates.
This is divided into 4 parts which exists of:-
FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES OF HANDLING PEOPLE.
SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
HOW TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
BE A LEADER: HOW TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT GIVING OFFENCE OR AROUSING RESENTMENT.
In this post we will only discuss
PART 1:-FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES OF HANDLING PEOPLE.
The other 3 PARTS will be covered seperately in 3 different posts in coming future.
let’s start this with a CASE STUDY…..
John Wanamaker, founder of American stores that bear his name, once confessed:
‘I learned thirty years ago that it is foolish to scold.
I have enough overcoming my own limitations without fretting over the fact that God has not seen fit to distribute evenly the gift of Intelligence.’
Wanamaker learned his lessons early,
but personally I Had to blunder through this old world for a third of a century before it even began to dawn upon me that ninety-nine times out of a hundred,
people don’t criticise themselves for anything no matter how wrong it may be.
CRITICISM is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself.
Criticism is dangerous,Criticising others can kill your power of influence….
because it wounds a Person’s precious pride,
hurts his sense of Importance,
and arouses resentment.
B.F. Skinner, the World-famous psychologist,
proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns far more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour.
Do you know someone you would like to chamnge and regulate and Improve?
Good! that is fine.
I am all in favour of it.
But why not begin on yourself?
From a purely selfish standpoint,
that is a lot more profitable than trying to improve others – yes, and a lot less dangerous.
‘Don’t complain about the snow on your neighbour’s roof,’said Confucious, ‘when your own doorstep is unclean’
tactless in youth,
became so diplomatic,
so adroit at handling people,
that he was made American Ambassador to France.
The secret of his success?
“I will speak ill of no man ,’he said,’….and speak all good I know of everybody.”
Any fool can criticise,condemn and complain – and most fools do.
But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
“A Great man shows his greatness, ‘said Carlyle
,’by the way he treats little men”
Instead of condemning people,
let’s try to understand them.
In this way you can increase your influence and power among the people.
Let’s try to figure out why they do what they do.
That’s lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism; and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and Kindness.
‘to know all is to forgive all’.
AS DOCTOR JOHNSON said:
‘God himself, sir , does not propose to judge man until the end of his days.’
Why should you and I.
REMEMBER PRINCIPLE #1 :-
don't criticise, condemn or complain.
THERE IS ONLY one way under heaven to get anybody to do anything.
did you ever stop to think of that?
Yes, just one way.
And that is by making the other person want to do it.
REMEMBER, there is no way.
Of course, you can make someone want to give you his watch by sticking a revolver in his ribs.
You can make your employees give you cooperation – until your back is turned – by threatening to fire them.
you can make a child do what you want it to do by a whip or a threat.
But these crude methods have sharply undesirable repercussions.
The only way I get you to do anything is by giving you what you want.
WHAT DO YOU WANT?
Sigmund Freud said that everything you and I do springs out of two motives:
the sex urge and the desire to be great.
in the human nature is ‘the desire to be important ‘.
you crave with an insistence that will not be denied.
some of the most peoplewant include:-
1. Health and the preservation of life.
4. Money and the things money will buy.
5. Life in the hereafter.
6. Sexual gratification.
7. The well-being of their children.
8. A feeling of Importance.
Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home a good report card,
and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking the cake or building a birdhouse .
Appreciation helps you to influence anyone according to your needs.
As Emerson said:-
‘Every man I meet is my superior in some way. In that , I learn of him.’
Let’s try to figure out the other person’s good points.
Then forget flattery .
Give Honest , sincere appreciation.
Be ‘hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise,’
and people will cherish your words and treasure them and repeat them over a lifetime –
repeat them years after you have forgotten them.
REMEMBER PRINCIPLE #2 :-
give honest and sincere appreciation.
PRINCIPLE #3 :-
'HE WHO CAN DO THIS HAS THE WHOLE WORLD WITH HIM.
HE WHO CANNOT WALKS A LONELY WAY.'
I often went fishing up in the maine during the summer.
Personally I am found of strawberries and cream,
but i have found that for some strange reason,fish prefer worms.
So when I went fishing .
i didn’t think about what I wanted.
I didn’t bait the hook with strawberries and cream.
i dangled a worm or a grasshopper in front of the fish and said:
‘wouldn’t you like to have that?’
“Why not use the same common sense when fishing for people?” – most crucial principle which explains how to influence.
so the only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
‘First, arouse in the person an eager want. he who can do this has the whole world with him. He who don’t walks a lonely way.’
If there is any one secret to success,
it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.
People who can put themselves in place of other people, who can understand the workings of their minds, need never worry about what future has in store for them because they know how to influence anyone.
William winter once remarked that ‘SELF-EXPRESSION is the dominant necessity of human nature’, why can’t we adapt this same psychology to business dealings?
when we have a brilliant idea,
instead of making others think it is ours , why not let them cook and stir the Idea themselves.
they will regard it as their own; they will like it and maybe eat a couple of helpings of it.
‘First, arouse in the other person an eager want. He who can do this has the whole world with him. He who cannot walks a lonely way’.
this is how author tells you to do because people who can do this can influence anyone.
REMEMBER PRINCIPLE #3 :-
arouse in the other person an eager want..
this post covers only the Ist part of the book and other and other 3 will be discussed soon seeing the response on this post.
but we will soon release the remaining 3 pretty soon.
before that, let’s sum up the above content of how to influence people :-